Here are the first twenty unedited reviews prepared by writers registered with FanStory.com. Writers choose which works they wish to review. My first response to the review is also included. Subsequent exchanges are deleted for the sake of simplicity. At the bottom of this page, your comments are invited.
Comment from lyenochka
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Rating of Prologue – Forward
As I never was Catholic, I don’t quite relate to praying to a Guardian Angel. (Why go to the messenger when you can talk directly to God?) And I was shocked at your father and aunt for the insensitive comments to a child at the funeral. So the most moving part of this post for me was:
“his woman enabled me to cry long-delayed tears and to vent my festering anger against God. “I trusted her with my tears. . .” (p. 4) and, by slow measured steps, I gradually entrusted her with healing my afflicted heart.”
Comment Written 18-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2020
Dear Lyenochka,
Thanks for sharing your own starting point and for identifying the most moving lines. I was tempted to delete these very lines, because they reveal what is going to come later. Now, however, I see that this preview of things to come is an attractive and necessary part of my Forward. Would you agree?
Aaron
Comment from royowen
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Rating of Prologue – Forward
I’m a Christian but not a great believer that prays through an angel, Jesus has always, for me at least, been the advocate, of course He has earned His position, as the Shepherd of God’s people, but your story invokes my interest. Well done, your anger is understandable. Well done, blessings, Roy
Comment Written 18-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2020Dear Roy,
Thanks for sharing your own starting point and for identifying with my anger: “your story invokes my interest. Well done, your anger is understandable.”
Yes, the blessings are to come,
Aaronreply by royowen on 19-Mar-2020Never angry at other?s beliefs reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. ~Aaron
reply by royowen on 19-Mar-2020Welcome
Comment from Earl Corp
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Rating of Prologue – Forward
My wife believes very much in guardian angels and I’m going to share this prayer with her. You piqued my interest enough that I’m going to read chapter one, which was the job the forward was supposed to do. Very nice job.
Comment Written 18-Mar-2020
reply by the author on 18-Mar-2020OK, Earl, I’m going to conclude that my Forward tells just enough to capture your interest. Have I understood you correctly?
If your wife a Catholic? If not, how did it come about that she believes in angels?
Peace and
Aaronreply by Earl Corp on 19-Mar-2020Your conclusion is dead on. My wife isn’y Catholic and I don’t know how she came to believe in Angels.reply by the author on 19-Mar-2020
Thank you for your kind and encouraging words. ~Aaron
Comment from Miranda Langston
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Rating of Chapter 5 – Distressing News
this is a very well-written chapter and it is so sweet ^.^ i almost cried when i read the bit about you and your angel wiping each other’s tears away. *sniffle* it’s absolutely heart-melting. well done, man. keep writing
Comment Written 17-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2020Dear Miranda,
Thanks for being so transparent in your review. That is so precious for me to hear.
I couldn’t ask a total stranger, but I find we have established a certain comfort zone with each other. Here are two questions that continue to unsettle me:
#1 Did I fail to protect my Angel’s interests? Did I give up too much? Should I have asked my Angel to insist on a restaurant meeting once a month? Tim might not like this; yet, he has to allow that his wife is suffering greatly with his “no contact” call. Doesn’t her welfare deserve some close attention as well?
Moreover, in the face of such a one-sided resolution, doesn’t Tim take a fatal step that risks his future with his wife? Won’t the day perhaps arrive when my Angel will see his demands as selfish and manipulative? Then what? He gained the lion’s share, but the lioness sets out to hunt on her own. So by gaining everything, was he risking to lose everything? [#2 How would you advise Tim?]
Searching for clarity in my life,
Aaron
Comment from Gypsy Blue Rose
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Rating of Chapter 5 – Distressing News
Hello, Aaron,
“I crossed seas of time to find you” Dracula
I love that quote and the story.
Awesome job with this chapter. I know what you mean in more ways than one.
Excellent job. Write on…
Gypsy
Comment Written 17-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 17-Feb-2020Be sure to use this in your love story that is in the making:
“I crossed seas of time to find you” Dracula
Comment from Ricky1024
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Rating of Chapter 5 – Distressing News
“Distressing News”
This chapter was interesting and well written.
Rich in Theme and Imagery.
…
It read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
…
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 16-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 16-Feb-2020Hello, Dr. Ricky,
I’m thankful, as always, for your time and attention.
I couldn’t ask anyone else, but I find we have established a certain comfort zone with each other. Here are my three questions:
#1 Did I fail to protect my Angel’s interests? Did I give up too much? Should I have asked my Angel to insist on a restaurant meeting once a month? Tim might not like this; yet, he has to allow that his wife is suffering greatly with his “no contact” call. Doesn’t her welfare deserve some close attention as well?
Moreover, in the face of such a one-sided resolution, doesn’t Tim take a fatal step that risks his future with his wife? Won’t the day perhaps arrive when my Angel will see his demands as selfish and manipulative? Then what? He gained the lion’s share, but the lioness sets out to hunt on her own. So by gaining everything, was he risking to lose everything? [#2 How would you advise Tim?]
#3 And what do you make of the final paragraphs where my Angel and I wipe away each other’s tears and have no need, accordingly, to get in the long line where God (not Jesus) does the final healing?
Sincerely,
Aaron
Comment from gingermo
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Rating of Chapter 4 – Magic Spells to & from Neuchatel
I find your writing unusual, poetic, romantic and subtlety sexy. I myself an a down to earth person when it comes to relationships so I can appreciate your romantic nature which comes through in your writing. At times I was overwhelmed by the sheer expression of feeling. Soul mates do exist and I hope Angel is yours. I found the abrupt introduction of Your wife Rachel and the fact Angel had a husband rather disconcerting. Perhaps they were mentioned in another chapter. The intervening poetry is effective in that it deepens the emotions and breaks up the prose.
Comment Written 15-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2020Dear Ginger,
Thanks for your devoted attention to my work.
At times I was overwhelmed by the sheer expression of feeling. >> This is encouraging for me.
Soul mates do exist and I hope Angel is yours. >> Indeed, as the next chapter will make clear.
I found the abrupt introduction of Your wife Rachel and the fact Angel had a husband rather disconcerting.>> And well it should be. Yet, life has its unusual twists. My Angel, as you understand from the letters, has been visiting my family and even taking my daughter alone to her grandma’s birthday party. I love the part where, on the way home, my daughter is singing a song of one leg to the other.
Peace and joy in writing,
Aaron
Comment from Ricky1024
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Rating of Chapter 4 – Magic Spells to & from Neuchatel
“Magic Spells to @ from Neuchatel”
This read well and was rather lengthy but we’ll written.
Rich in Theme and Imagery.
…
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 15-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2020Oh, Dr. Ricky, thanks for your time and attention. Here is an issue that I need your help with:
Should I stop this chapter here:
My Angel has passed the point of no return. She writes, “I became totally open and unafraid of the love I have for you. . . . Once again my body quivers as it thinks of you returning.” Oh, yes! Come to me, my faithful Angel, my burning comet, my gift of God!
Or, should I keep my reflections on Drucula and Minah just where they are???
Peace in writing,
Aaron
PS: Please send me the internet address as soon as you post your love story.
Comment from Suzanna Ray
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Rating of Chapter 4 – Magic Spells to & from Neuchatel
Dear author, This post takes the reader, vicariously, though every emotion, through every fantasy that your protagonist experience!
Thank you for the warning that this would be a long read, because it was! . . .But worth every moment.
I am amazed that you could imagine, much less continue to express such high levels of passion through this epic. That alone deserves the six stars I have awarded you!
Comment Written 14-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 15-Feb-2020Dear Suzanna,
I my admit to you that I was discouraged. Why so? This chapter was too long. No one would be willing to read it. I’m just not able to take our personal story and make it an engaging story.
Your review renewed my hope! There are tears in my eyes now. I am more than I can say attached to this woman (my Angel) and attached to our story. When you say “It was worth every moment,” I become a believer again.
One last issue haunts me. Should I stop this chapter here:
My Angel has passed the point of no return. She writes, “I became totally open and unafraid of the love I have for you. . . . Once again my body quivers as it thinks of you returning.” Oh, yes! Come to me, my faithful Angel, my burning comet, my gift of God!
Or, should I keep my reflections on Drucula and Minah just where they are??? What do you say?
Very, very gratefully,
Aaron
Comment from Ricky1024
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Rating of Chapter 3 – Dark Hole Left by my Lost Mother
Dark Hole Left by my Lost Mother”
Was well written and rich in Theme and Imagery.
It read well and flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
…
Complete Synopsis:
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1924
Comment Written 10-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020Thank you for your reflections and encouragement, Dr. Ricky.
~Aaron
Comment from Aaqib Naeem
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Rating of Chapter 3 – Dark Hole Left by my Lost Mother
A wonderful writing to read! Your writing reflects deep understanding and maturity in many ways. I really loved reading your work. I hope you’ll be able to have your own place in here. God bless and wish you luck!!
Comment Written 10-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020Amazing, Aaqib. I posted this only 20 minutes ago and, already, you have sent me insightful and encouraging words.
I wrote:
I deliberately crafted this story to take on the form of a “fairy tale” that I learned from my mother. My story, consequently, has some fanciful and magical elements that serve to highlight how I, as a young boy, experienced the events surrounding the death of my mother.
Should I just tell the story and drop this explanation? What do you think?
Namaste,
Aaronreply by Aaqib Naeem on 10-Feb-2020It was an honour to review your work! I always love this Dracula type stuff! Yes, you should include that explanation in Author Notes. I always like to read them as they are pretty insightful at times! reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020Yowzer, Aaqib. Your enchanted by Dracula tales. As my love story unfolds, your blood-thirst will be entirely satisfied. ~Aaronreply by Aaqib Naeem on 10-Feb-2020Haha it sure will! I am watching the Van Helsing season on Netflix these days. Plenty of blood thirst for me! 🙂
Comment from Patty Palmer
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Rating of Prologue – Forward
Very interesting. I will have to watch for your book. How sad you lost your mother at such a young age. I believe we all have a guardian angel who watches over us. I think my guardian angel should get a raise because with me she must work a lot of overtime!
God bless!
Patty
Comment Written 10-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 10-Feb-2020My story of loss is just hinted at here. My Angel was to meet this little lost boy and to give him the tears of anger and grief that were denied him forty years earlier. This takes place in Ch3 (which I just posted).
Thanks for your interest,
Aaron
Comment from Bill Pinder
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Rating of Chapter 2 – A Father Embraces his Daughter
I like this chapter that was written well with a clear expression of the experiences and evokes a lot of genuine emotion between the main characters. Thanks for sharing. I think you meant to say “being unloaded” instead of “been.”
I like that line about being able to love someone even though you understand that in some ways they are broken.
Bill
Comment Written 09-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2020Thank you, Bill, for your kind and encouraging words.
Is this the line?
text = Half-way through his sickness, he also gave up his binge drinking. Liquor had been used extensively as solace following his sick leave from the police force. But now he was actually apologizing to me for the bad effects his drinking had on his family.
Joy in improving,
Aaron
Comment from Aaqib Naeem
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Rating of Chapter 2 – A Father Embraces his Daughter
I really loved reading your such a beautiful story. You’ve conveyed your message in a wonderful way. You’re possessed with amazing skills of writing. Lots of luck. God bless you!
Comment Written 09-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2020Thank you, Aaqib, for your kind and encouraging words.
Namaste,
Aaron
Comment from sandramitchell
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Rating of Chapter 2 – A Father Embraces his Daughter
This lady as a child had a lot going on in her life. And not all was good, yet she was able to finally understand and make it good. This was a very deep story, and I’ll have to catch up with the other parts. This part was really touching. Well done. :)) Sandra xx
Comment Written 09-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 09-Feb-2020I agree entirely. Her vulnerability prepared me for my vulnerability (Ch3).
Joy in writing,
Aaron
Comment from BethShelby
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Rating of Chapter 2 – A Father Embraces his Daughter
This is an intriguing story that isn’t something that is easy to get into without going back to read the first part, which I intend to do. It sounds as if this is only the second meeting the teller of the story has had with some referred to as “my angel” which leaves me wondering how she came to be referred to in such romantic terms so quickly. It sounds as though she is talking to a psychiatrist or someone who is there to help her sort out her feeling. Maybe you could give more details of what has taken place for those just joining your story and for those readers who may not have time to go back to the beginning. I want to read more.
Comment Written 08-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 08-Feb-2020Dear Beth,
Thanks for diving into Ch2. You have persuaded me that an introduction is a necessity.
Any comments on my cover design?
Or on the mind-bending last line here?
text = For the last two days, I have wanted to tell you how much our [second] meeting meant to me. I also have been struggling to understand its depth of meaning for it was the most powerful and the most satisfying moment of my life thus far.
Peace and joy in writing,
Aaronreply by BethShelby on 09-Feb-2020I did go back and read the other two entry and now I no more of what is going on. Maybe just put enough in you author notes to make things clear to new readers.reply by BethShelby on 09-Feb-2020I think the cover picture is perfect. I would probably prefer a darker band above and below and maybe the title in white or lighter but that’s just me. I like the last sentence. It makes the reader want more.reply by the author on 09-Feb-2020A darker band above and below the photo is a good suggestion. I did make a cover like this for my dad. Thanks, again, Beth for your helpful ideas. ~~Aaronreply by BethShelby on 09-Feb-2020 You are welcome. I look forward to reading more.
Comment from K Dono
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Rating of Prologue – Forward
Wow, this is a powerful piece. I love the line “I trusted her with my tears”. To find someone who you can trust with your emotions, especially ones you were told not to show is amazing. Thank you for sharing.
Comment Written 07-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020Dear K.
I missed the evocative power of that line. But now you allowed me to see it’s significance. My dad taught me to suppress my emotions:
text = the little boy whose father had taught him that he should not cry after the funeral because “God put an end to her suffering, and she is now very happy to be with God in heaven.”
Chapter 3 will treat this in great detail. Is it a mistake to put this in the Forward? How would you advise me here?
Peace and joy in writing,
Aaron reply by K Dono on 07-Feb-2020In my opinion, I think it is good to have it in the forward. It is a great lead in and a capture point. reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020PS: I will be uploading two new chapters for the next three days. Your insights are invaluable. Stay with me if you can. ~Aaronreply by K Dono on 07-Feb-2020Will do, I will definitely check in
Comment from Ricky1024
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Rating of Chapter 1 – Innocent Beginnings
“Innocent Beginnings”
Was well written and rich in Theme and Imagery.
It read well And flowed well with no Grammar Issues.
…
The Adjective and Objective Contents were both Excellent and Exceptional while Descriptive Measures aligned Perfectly.
Thanks,
Doctor Ricky 1024
Comment Written 07-Feb-2020
reply by the author on 07-Feb-2020Many thanks for your affirmations, Dr. Ricky.
How did you respond to the final paragraph? What emotions came up for you? When and why have you used the Guardian Angel Prayer?
text = Even if you were not raised by a Roman Catholic mother as I was, you might want to recite the Guardian Angel Prayer (p. 18) at bedtime during the period when you are reading about our dangerous love story. Who knows? In so doing, you might discover. . . .